When the school carpool van came today, Ant was not ready. I told the carpool to go ahead and leave and then later dh took him to school on his way to work. If dh had already left the house, Ant would have spent the day in his room until the time school got out. I think I got that idea from a Love & Logic book about teaching responsibility. It is rare for Ant to miss the carpool, however, I wonder if I am expecting too much from my 8-year-old. He is responsible to get himself up, choose his own clothes, get himself dressed, feed himself breakfast (which I think he skips), make his own lunch, pack his homework, bring me his reading slip to sign, comb his hair, and get out the door on time. I figure my job is to give him a clock, purchase clothing and wash whatever he puts in the laundry room, shop and provide the food he can eat and pack, be available to sign the homework, and kiss him goodbye. If his clothes are dirty or tacky, I guess he'll stink or be ridiculed. If he doesn't eat breakfast, I guess he'll be hungry until lunch. If his lunch isn't adequate, I guess he will be hungry until he gets a snack at home. If his homework isn't finished or signed, I guess he'll have to stay in at recess.
Is it too much? What do you do?
16 comments:
I don't have kids that old yet....but I think you're doing great! You're teaching him to be responsible and independent. Good for you momma!
My eight year old son does those same things. Although I have him buy his lunch. I make him wash his own clothes too. LOL His older sister helps with the laundry..and sometimes the 8 year-old has to help switch the clothes from washer to drier.
He knows he can ask for help. But if he asks for help when he has been playing all morning instead of getting ready, he doesn't get much sympathy.
Most 8 year-olds can be held accountable for somethings. I thing you have chosen well.
I am convicted!! I started off really well with the oldest two, but have begun to do more and more for all of them as the last 5 years have passed and....
you got it right!
Oh, I seriously need some advice on my 10 yo son! How did you get him to do all this? I need to come back here more often!
I do exactly what you do. I love the Love and Logic way of doing things. To every choice there is a consequence. If Mil doesn't wake up on time to get everything done, something gives, usually her hair or a decent breakfast (a bag of dry cereal isn't that appealing when everyone else is having french toast). I about sent her to school in her pajamas today. If she plays before homework, she doesn't get to read with us because she is doing homework during bedtime stories, if she didn't put her soccer uniform in the laundry, she has to wear it dirty(EWWW) or wear something els and feel dumb at the game, etc. So for the late thing, I would make him pay his dad for his gas and time with something he owns or his time doing whatever dad needs. Make the punishment fit the crime...right?
Wow! I'll have to admit I pack my kid's lunches. But my three oldest(10, 9, and 7) have alarm clocks and are responsible for getting themselves ready too. We have a little chart with their tasks velcroed on that they can move from "do it" to done. It helps them stay focused.
mfh-I think a chart might actually help him, he loves things like that.
Thanks for your support everybody.
hey, if you never expect anything out of him, he will think nothing is expected. I think you have a good balance.
said by one with no kids and who doesn't even like to fix her own lunch.
I know a 24 year old who doesn't do those things..and I'm pretty sure his mom did all of it for him. love you!
That has to be Kimberly...yae, she commented! Love you too.
Wow, I guess I have alot of work to do! lol My just turned 10 year old never picks out his own clothes, nor does he get up on his own. I'm totally pampering my son!! Oh no!!
This is my first time here....I sure will be back to get some idea from you! =o)
I love Love and Logic too. I would do the same. Consequences, but with love. Not always easy, but worth it in the long run. (I think...I haven't actually made it to the "long run" yet as my oldest is only 8) :)
I think kids are far more capable than we think they are. As soon as they start wanting to do things for themselves, I let them, and never do it again. If they can make their bed once, get dressed by themselves once, then they should be able to do it again. They have to learn to be responsible sooner or later...better to learn when they are 8 instead of 18. Great Job ABC MOMMA!
I think you are doing fabulous. I LOVE the L & L approach. Even though my kids are small it totally works on them. It's great for them to learn choices and self sufficiency.
I agree... and am heading towards the same method of parenting... especially at the age of accountability, I think there is a good lesson to be learned!
I think sometimes we underestimate what our kids can actually do. You are doing a great job. Love and logic really does work, although at times it seems really hard. Keep up the good work.
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