My Breaking Heart

Here's something a little different, a little more personal. I had my heart broken one time. I dated this boy a few times before I left to be a missionary. He had recently returned from his mission and I was impressed by his spirituality (seriously) and his fine-ness. I was so excited when he began to write letters to me, and I let myself fall in love as I read between the lines. When I completed the mission, I was looking forward to our my future, only to find out that he had just started dating (two weeks prior) someone else. I thought they couldn't be serious yet and proceeded with my plans of wooing him getting to know him better. We did go out several more times and I fell deeper in love (we hadn't even kissed!), but I could tell his heart wasn't mine. I let him go---they were engaged a month later---I was devastated. This experience affected me tremendously. I asked myself how could I be so stupid, how was I not good enough, what if this, and if only that. It took a very long time for me to get over the heartache. I wrote a partial song about it. I can't believe how therapeutic it was to let those feelings leave my body and leap onto that paper. Since then, I have not looked back at the situation with any sort of longing or what-ifs, it's now just an experience from which I have learned.

It was the first and last time my heart was broken.
He was so confused.
It was between me and her,
And he couldn't choose.
Sting told me: If you love him, set him free,
He will come back to you if it was meant to be.
So I put it to the test,
And made a mess.
Oh, how my heart ached!
If only I held on to him,
Fought for him.

In the next part of the song, I'm counting my blessings. I'll share it when I'm finished.