From a lot of other blogs I've read and women I've talk to around here, this is a very common thing. I'm glad we have access to help. I understand the brain chemistry that makes us this way, but I still have a lot of questions. Did you all have depressed mothers too? I can’t blame it all on post-partum, because I had some symptoms before having children, although it has been more intense since. What's in the water? Is it something I'm eating? Is it because I hate to exercise? I think I can get a good workout just grocery shopping with three kids. What did women in the past do if they were depressed? Did they get depressed like us? I’m sure some of them were just sad or crazy. Some were institutionalized. Others were self-medicating like a lot of people today. I don’t believe in self-medicating and I don't have the energy or time to research all my questions, but I'm glad my doctor knows how to fix me.My doctor and I have decided I would take Prozac and Provigil. Prozac takes away the craziness. Provigil offsets some of the side effects of the Prozac like tiredness. When I take these helpers I love and have joy in my family and have a desire to be with them for eternity. I have better control of my emotions. I can think rationally and make progress spiritually. I get great ideas like starting a blog. I feel capable of helping others. I am ME!
If I'm not taking my helpers (or if they become less effective after a while) I get very angry and find fault in everybody and then I complain about them to God, the bishop, or a therapist. I lack discretion. I'm weepier. I’m needy and self-centered. I would never kill myself, but I wouldn't mind if someone killed me via a car accident or something else. I want to leave my family--run, run away--basically destroying my life.
The purpose of me telling the world about this is to encourage those who suffer like I did to get help. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Go to a specialist—a psychiatrist and/or psychologist (I can never remember which one can prescribe medicine, and which one talks with you). I go to an office that has both doctors and they have worked together to help me. I would never get this level of service from a primary care doctor.
So, there you go. My life is an open book for all to read.
6 comments:
I'm not stalking you, I promise. You just need to do what you need to do for your family. I struggle with these same decisions too. It's so hard. I'm right there with you, all the questions but I think you've found one of the great answers, telling other people so they don't feel alone. So much good has come from me telling people what I struggle with. You go!
Hey, I don't mind being stalked by the best.
I have these same questions but no answers.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It's very encouraging and validating to those of us in your same boat.
These are hard questions; I've struggled with the some ones. I've cringed to think what would've happened if I'd lived in an earlier generation, before this medication!
How brave of you to blog about this, and how helpful to others. For a while, I was on medications. I never thought I would need them, but I did, and they helped more than I had thought possible. I find it scary that a small pill can so change who we are and how we interact with others. It makes me wonder what else does that that we're not aware of.
Earlier generations took valium and drank. Read The Feminine Mystique- I honestly think a lot of that was undiagonized self medicated depression. The "problem that had no name" was not that women were housewives, it was that they were depressed with no where to turn and no antidepressants.
Good for you for getting the help you need. You need to take care of you so you can take care of your family!
Post a Comment